There was a void deeper than sleep before my eyes. Death. Or so I thought. My body and mind battled, their desires blatantly opposing one another. To give in...to relax. Or to fight...to stay alive. Just in case I die, I love you. You're not going to die. I feel like I am. I haven't been in that place in my mind since I was a child, maybe eleven years old. I didn't think I was going to die then. Maybe because I didn't fully understand death yet. Get her children's Tylenol, she weighs under a hundred pounds. I weigh 101 now. It was important. They couldn't even understand me. The same dream overandoverandover. Every time the same. There was an elevator. The world will end if you don't stop this from happening. I didn't understand death. I hadn't lost anyone yet. A whisper in my mind. Nothing is right. A voice in my head. Everything is wrong. A feeling in my stomach, or maybe in my throat. It's so hard to tell where it is, where I am. WhereamI? Sub-consciousness bleeding into consciousness like a red shirt in the washing machine turning all the whites pink. Unconsciousness on the corners of my baffled brain. A void deeper than sleep. Dark. Empty. A feeling of no control. But what control do I have anyway? Everythingiswrong. A sense of letting go, of never feeling again. But what would I feel anyway? Nothingisright.
