Words

I let them destroy me.

The forces of words that come against me

Are met with the breaking of my heart.

I reply with tears instead of words.

I send out similar words at various times,

Never thinking of consequences.

At least others stand against them

And do not show outward signs

That words have crippled them,

If they do.

My defenses break.

I cannot stand against the torrents.

If I was stronger, I could conceal it.

If I was wiser, it would not be necessary.

Surely it is not with wisdom that I

Throw down the guards of my heart

To be so affected by a few syllables

Of speech.

What knowledge is there

That would convey to me that I should

Allow words to render me useless,

To render me empty?

What wisdom would advise me

To allow my emotions to reign over me,

Thereby allowing words to do so?

None I have ever heard of before,

And none shall I ever.

 10-7-13

Over Thought

I'm tired of this over thinking,
This reliving in my mind.
An escape I must find
From these crippling thoughts that bind
Me to this very spot.
This doesn't have to be my lot
And if I stay I will be caught -
Trapped inside my head,
Replaying all the words I've said,
Until I'm gone and dead.

This isn't what I sought;
Peace is what I thought
My thinking could have brought.
Overwhelmed am I
By all these tears I cry.
All I can do is try
To make these thoughts leave me,
But that is never easy
When you're addicted to your thinking.

Painful to the Human Mind

I was writing a paper today on Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and was skimming through the book to refresh my memory, and I saw this:

"Nothing is more painful to the human mind than, after the feelings have been worked up by a quick succession of events, the dead calmness of inaction and certanity which follows and deprives the soul both of hope and fear."

I'm pretty sure this may be one of my favorite quotes now. Because it is so true. I mean, who wants to sit around and do nothing after something has happened that has upset them? And yet, somehow it seems as though that is exactly what always happens after something bad has happened. When I'm upset, I feel as though there is nothing to do and I simply sit around and think. And when you're upset, thinking is exactly what you should not do. Because of course you're going to think about what upset you and nothing is more painful. You have that certainty that Shelley speaks of, knowing that it really did take place. This really is the way things are. There is no hope for the situation, but there's also no fear, because it's over. And it's the worst feeling in the world.