Words for a Bad Relationship

I've only been in one bad relationship from which to draw any description, but here are the words I came up with. I forget most things about that relationship, but sometimes it's helpful to remember where you've come from before lapsing once more into forgetfulness.

Inadequate
You're never as good as you need to be; even when you try your hardest he's not happy

Not knowledgeable
You're belittled when you don't know something and you're offered no explanation

Childish
You're spoken to as though you are a child, as though you should look up to him

Unintelligent
Your discussions ultimately come down to being told that you just don't understand

Lacking confidence
He says he likes it when you're confident, but it makes him more distant

Immature
You don't know as much as he does about relationships

Inexperienced
You aren't as good as the last one

Always at fault
Regardless of whose actions are being discussed, it always comes back to you

Isolated
You never see him when you are with your friends; if you are with anyone, it is his friends

Unimportant
You feel the need to remain silent when around other people, and you are not spoken to

Pressured
You feel a need to do things you don't want to do

Trapped
You feel as though if you left he wouldn't survive

Useless
You have no purpose besides sexual gratification or a silent companion when he's "lonely"

Words

I let them destroy me.

The forces of words that come against me

Are met with the breaking of my heart.

I reply with tears instead of words.

I send out similar words at various times,

Never thinking of consequences.

At least others stand against them

And do not show outward signs

That words have crippled them,

If they do.

My defenses break.

I cannot stand against the torrents.

If I was stronger, I could conceal it.

If I was wiser, it would not be necessary.

Surely it is not with wisdom that I

Throw down the guards of my heart

To be so affected by a few syllables

Of speech.

What knowledge is there

That would convey to me that I should

Allow words to render me useless,

To render me empty?

What wisdom would advise me

To allow my emotions to reign over me,

Thereby allowing words to do so?

None I have ever heard of before,

And none shall I ever.

 10-7-13

Ecclesiastes Part 4

Definitely didn't post one a day... But here's another!

Ecclesiastes Chapter Four

Verses 1-3

Because of all the evil and oppression in the world Solomon is saying that the ones who are no longer living here are better off than those still alive, and the ones who have it best are the ones who have not yet lived and therefore have not seen all the evils of the world.

Verses 4-8

He is talking about selfishness here – whether it is someone coveting what someone else has, or constantly laboring just to gain more for oneself.  He says that both are worthless pursuits – “grasping for the wind.”

Verses 9-12

This stresses the importance of human companionship.  Although God truly is all we need, He gave us other people for a reason – because it was “not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).  God wants us to have friends, to have people who will hold us up and who we can do the same for.  They can help us in practical matters and in spiritual matters.

Verses 13

Age and status and wealth are not important – wisdom matters more.  As my professor says often, “You can have a wise young person, and you can have an old fool.”

Ecclesiastes

     I've been reading the book of Ecclesiastes recently in the Bible.  I've always liked that book, for some reason.  This time I decided to write about it as well.  It's mostly been to help me remember it and to figure out for myself what I think it is talking about, but I decided to share what I've been writing.  This is from chapter 1 and I'm going to do my best to post another chapter every day.  And if you read this, comments would be awesome, because I would love to hear if you agree or disagree with my perception of Solomon's words in this book.  And there are some things that I completely do not understand at times, and would love to know if you do!

Ecclesiastes Chapter One

Verses 1-11

The earth continues on, but humans are only here a short time; then they are gone.  No one does anything new, and nothing new can be found on earth, for it has already been done.  But no one remembers the things that have already happened, just as no one will remember the things of the future once they too have become things of the past.

Verse 8

It was talking about the labor of the earth, and says this: “All things are full of labor; man cannot express it.  The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.”  I think this is just saying that we are not satisfied with just watching the world; that we want to experience things for ourselves.  After this verse, it talks about how nothing is new, and yet no one remembers that it has already happened.  I think Solomon is saying that we aren’t happy only seeing that someone else has done it, so we choose to forget what happened before us.

Verses 12-18

“For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.” (v. 18)

Does Solomon not appreciate the gift of wisdom that he asked for and received from God?  Maybe he does appreciate it, but at the same time, with all his knowledge and wisdom he knows of all the evil that goes on in the world, therefore he is lamenting the fact that with this gift also came the curse of knowing of all the evil going on beyond his control (He says later in Chapter Three that “in the place of judgment, wickedness was there; and in the place of righteousness, iniquity was there.”  He wishes he did not have the realization that there is so little good “under the sun” and that in its place is sin and wickedness).  Because of his wisdom, he has been able to see all of the worthless pursuits on earth (14), and it seems as though he wonders if seeking wisdom is simply another worthless pursuit because of this “curse” it brings with it (17, 18).

“Grasping for the Wind”

Solomon uses the phrase “grasping for the wind” throughout the entire book of Ecclesiastes, saying about nearly everything he talks about that it is “vanity and grasping for the wind.”  He is saying that these things are useless pursuits; attempts that always fail.  You can feel the wind, but you can never hold it.  He’s talking about worthless pursuits – you can work at it all you want, but you will never achieve your goal.

Can one take hold of the wind?  Can one grasp it firmly in his grip?  Indeed, the wind clearly exists, but cannot be captured – it can be felt, but never held.