Remembering What was Never Forgotten

Sometimes I feel as though I have forgotten what it was like. I wish things would go back. I ask, “Do you remember when…?” and I ask, “Do you remember the first time we went…?” You fill in the blank. I’ve said the words a thousand times, because I feel so different now than I did then. I feel like I lost something over time. I feel like everything is different. I feel like it will never be the same. And I’m right. Nothing ever will be the same, and everything really is different. I am different. But I haven’t lost anything.

There are moments in time when I feel like I have remembered. I feel the same. I feel that this is love. But what I have failed to realize is that love changes. I cannot feel the same as I felt then because it is not the same. And it never will be. In two years, I will not feel the same as I do now because things will be different. But in that moment when I felt I remembered, I was not remembering what I thought I was remembering. I was remembering a feeling. I was not remembering love because I couldn’t remember love. I cannot remember what I have never forgotten in the first place.

The Different

I remember when we used to talk. We used to talk of the things that we wrote. And the things that we wrote were different. But the things that we wrote were the same. Now we never talk. And I read the things that you write and I read the things that I write and I never see the same. I see the different, is all I see. I remember when we used to talk. And our lives were different. But our lives were the same. Now we never talk. And I read the things that you write and I read the things that I write and I never see the same. I see the different, is all I see. How very different is this life, lived out by you. How very different is this life, lived out by me.

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