The End of Love

How can it be over?

How could it ever end?

How am I to recover

When we’re barely even friends?

This is my heart.

It’s been broken in two.

I never thought at the start

That I’d be crying over you.

How did it get to this stage?

How did we fall out of love?

How did we turn the page

When I thought we’d never move?

I haven’t really fallen out.

My love is just as strong.

My tears seem to never run out

Because this went on so long.

How could I stop loving you?

Do you think it could end so fast?

Was not my heart ripped in two

When you said that it couldn’t last?

I’m not sure what your feelings are.

You say that you love me still.

I’ve believed what you’ve told me so far

And now I just don’t have the will.

Feel

              Sometimes I wonder if I am normal.  Though I know not what “normal” actually is.  But is my imagination normal and like everyone else’s?  Does everyone imagine as vividly as I or is my imagination somewhat accelerated beyond that which is “normal”?  When someone tells me of their pain, of their sadness, their sorrow, I feel it as my own.  I hurt for them as though it were myself that felt this way.  Other people’s sadness can affect me in a way I cannot describe.  Although I remain happy, there is a part of me that hurts deeply for the people in my life that are hurting.  I cannot explain the way it feels.  But maybe this is the way everyone feels and I need not try to explain.  I want to help people.  I want to be there people.  And so often I feel as though I don’t help at all.  There are times when I feel as though I only make things worse.  And yet even then I cannot seem to stop trying to help.  What makes me feel so strongly about people?  What causes this great emotion to arise within me about things that at times do not concern me at all?  I cannot help but imagine how people feel; for imagine why they feel that way; imagine what I would do if I felt that way.

I cry when I am sad.  That’s not terribly abnormal.  But I cry when other people are sad.  I’m not sure that that is quite as normal as the other.  But it’s the way I am.  I feel emotion strongly – concerning my own life and concerning others’ lives.  I feel my sadness; I feel their sadness.  I feel.  I feel so strongly.  And yet I would not change the way I feel.  Ever.  For although I do not actually know that I help sometimes, I want to be able to be there for people.  And if it is through an overactive imagination that I can do so, then so be it.

Ecclesiastes Part 4

Definitely didn't post one a day... But here's another!

Ecclesiastes Chapter Four

Verses 1-3

Because of all the evil and oppression in the world Solomon is saying that the ones who are no longer living here are better off than those still alive, and the ones who have it best are the ones who have not yet lived and therefore have not seen all the evils of the world.

Verses 4-8

He is talking about selfishness here – whether it is someone coveting what someone else has, or constantly laboring just to gain more for oneself.  He says that both are worthless pursuits – “grasping for the wind.”

Verses 9-12

This stresses the importance of human companionship.  Although God truly is all we need, He gave us other people for a reason – because it was “not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).  God wants us to have friends, to have people who will hold us up and who we can do the same for.  They can help us in practical matters and in spiritual matters.

Verses 13

Age and status and wealth are not important – wisdom matters more.  As my professor says often, “You can have a wise young person, and you can have an old fool.”

Starting College

     So I'm going to start college this fall.  I started last year, but I only went half time, taking only a few classes each semester.  This year I start FOR REAL. Full time. Living on campus. I don't even know yet who my roommate will be, or if I'll even have one. I'm excited of course, and I made a few friends last year, and I will be so happy to see them.  But this is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, I think. It wasn't going to be so bad, because my brother was going to be there, and he is one of the best friends I could ever have. But now he has decided to transfer and he and I will no longer be attending the same school.  He'll be living on campus at another school, so we may not even see each other much. Also, a few of my other friends have left as well, and I didn't exactly have that many friends up there to begin with, partly because I didn't live there last year like everyone else did, and partly because of how shy I am.  And of the friends I do have, I'm not even sure if some of them will talk to me (there are a few who I know will, and I'm eternally grateful to them).  So I'm kind of scared, I guess you could say. I know that I stayed with friends a lot last year, so I'm used to staying at school, but it will be weird to not have a certain time that I know, "I'm going home such and such day," because that will kind of be home then.
     I'm going to miss my family once I'm there. I was homeschooled. I'm not used to being away from my family for a long time. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually, but it will be weird at first.  I'm going to miss my friends.  I wouldn't see them quite as much anyway, even if I wasn't going off to college, just because they would be in school and all, but last year, I still saw my friends at church and such, or wherever I knew them from. Most of my friends live where I live, or close by. I'm not going to have a car on campus, I don't even know if I'll have my license by then, so I can't just drive and go see people. I'm just going to be stuck there.
     And then there is the fact that my parents want to move, sometime in November, I think. I've lived in the same house for sixteen years - for as long as I can remember. It will be strange to live somewhere else. I have to have all of my stuff packed before I leave for school in 24 days, rather than just the stuff I'm taking to college with me. When I come back for Christmas break, after the first semester, I'll move back into a new house. And again, I will miss my friends. I don't know for sure how far my parents are moving, but we won't be in the same city and I'm going to miss everyone so much.
     And I'll be taking five classes this fall, rather than two or three at a time. I think I'll do okay, but it will be different from last year, and very different from the years before that during which I was homeschooled. So I'm a little worried about the academic side of things.
     So, I don't really know what my point in all this was. I think it was mostly to get it off my chest. To tell someone without having to actually say all of that to someone in real life. I'm really nervous about school, and I keep praying that everything will work out alright. I guess it usually does. Somehow. So hopefully it will this time.