Words for a Bad Relationship

I've only been in one bad relationship from which to draw any description, but here are the words I came up with. I forget most things about that relationship, but sometimes it's helpful to remember where you've come from before lapsing once more into forgetfulness.

Inadequate
You're never as good as you need to be; even when you try your hardest he's not happy

Not knowledgeable
You're belittled when you don't know something and you're offered no explanation

Childish
You're spoken to as though you are a child, as though you should look up to him

Unintelligent
Your discussions ultimately come down to being told that you just don't understand

Lacking confidence
He says he likes it when you're confident, but it makes him more distant

Immature
You don't know as much as he does about relationships

Inexperienced
You aren't as good as the last one

Always at fault
Regardless of whose actions are being discussed, it always comes back to you

Isolated
You never see him when you are with your friends; if you are with anyone, it is his friends

Unimportant
You feel the need to remain silent when around other people, and you are not spoken to

Pressured
You feel a need to do things you don't want to do

Trapped
You feel as though if you left he wouldn't survive

Useless
You have no purpose besides sexual gratification or a silent companion when he's "lonely"

Expression

This is kind of raw. And the rhyming is strange. But whatever.

Impossible to tell how I feel

Yet I know that it is real

The way of how I am

The story if my life

My heart with a broken seal

Yet I know that it is real

How often I can’t express

Go and put me to the test

I’ll know not what to say

They fail me every time

The words mean less and less

They only make a mess

My heart holds much

It holds to it, as such

I want to say what I mean

It is as though I don’t

My heart’s strong clutch

My secrets no one will touch

Yet secrets are not what I desire

This feeling is burning like a fire

I know it is known and not

My heart does not fully tell

My heart: deceptive, a liar

I want to tell how much I admire

Admiration is not the extent

The love from my heart was not merely lent

The way I feel is never fully stated

I wish it could be read and known

I wish they were words in a letter sent

I wish you knew it will never be spent

That Which is Inside

     Sometimes I'm not sure why I write what I write...sometimes what I write is rather morbid. This is about holding onto secrets, I supppose.  Secrets that tear us apart from the inside out when we refuse to let them cease being secrets and tell someone; when we refuse to trust anyone with our hurt or guilt or whatever it may be that plagues us.

     Have you ever felt as though there are things that you  can't tell anyone?  And it builds up inside, trying to get out, screaming as loud as it can while you hold your tongue.  It's desperate to get out; you want the comfort of knowing that someone else knows.  But you say nothing and you feel as though it might kill you.  What is inside tries to.  It's desperate to kill you with the knowledge you possess, or at the very least torture you until you open your mouth at last.  Your tongue is bloodied from your teeth sinking into it one too many times, trying to prevent what's inside screaming from turning into your voice screaming out the same words.  The emotions you feel spill out regardless, but they are unexplained as you refuse to tell anyone still.
     The secrets are there.  They are so present and with such great potency that they hurt.  Relief would come in the telling.  But what would come when you received a reaction?  What would anyone's response be to what you hold inside?  Surely none could understand.  Surely they will judge you.  It is not the telling we fear, but what comes after it.  For too many times, people do not understand what it is that we have told them.  Or they don't understand its importance to us and treat it trivially.  Is that just a chance we have to take?  Is it worth it to be rid of the torment within?  Will it rid us of the torment within?
     Our hearts may not last if we hold it much longer.  They threaten to break at the silence.  But there is only silence on the outside.  On the inside are tormented screams.  And if we stay silent much longer, either the screams will come from our mouths as well as our hearts, and the whole world may know what torments us, or the screams will fade to soft whispers that we ignore as our hearts turn to stone and we embrace the distrust of all and the love of no one.