The Curse of Emotion

I am deeply distressed in my heart as I cry out for answers I know I shall never attain and as I seek to ascribe meaning to situations for which there is none.  I am afflicted by my strong emotions by which I have been plagued from the very start, and also by recurring memories of my senseless actions that led to the pain now pervasive in my life.  Naught can cure this easily and although I do not doubt that the sadness brought on by these instances, which were in turn brought on by my grievous lack of discretion, which also in its turn stemmed from the very forceful, extreme emotions I earlier spoke ill of, will indeed fade at last on some day which will in my eyes be highly esteemed, it is blatantly apparent, indeed extremely perspicuous, that my sorrow shall not be brief nor shall it be easily alleviated.  I shall suffer for a time, and perhaps I deserve to, for there is none other to whom I might rightfully assign this blame.  It is despite extreme obviousness that I find it necessary to admit and confess to having abandoned my perspicacity, a trait which had served me well in years past.  For where my emotions become involved, or more accurately, entangled, as they seem to all the more often in every affair as time progresses, I sway to their powerful wishes and strive to assuage their always increasing desires.  What if I were to live by reason alone?  What if logic ruled my life and I forsook all emotion?  Would not my spirit be less afflicted and my heart find less pain?  Indeed, such would be so, but I could not completely rid myself of emotion, even if such a deed were in fact possible.  For by my emotions I find also pleasure and happiness, though at this precise moment neither is overtly present.  This sorrow is overwhelming and denies joy access into my heart, for these memories still overtake me at intervals too frequent for me to handle, plunging me into the sadness of what I have lost, though if I ever had anything from the start is still being debated in my mind, and leaving me in bitter tears.