Simply Nothing

Sometimes I don't even know how I feel. Right now is one of those moments. I feel like I should be upset, and maybe at some point I will be. But right now it's like there is nothing. Maybe because there is nothing. It's all gone. And so are all of my feelings. Maybe it's better that way. Maybe it's what was supposed to happen. Sometimes things are supposed to happen that we don't want to. But where is my feeling? Why can I not feel? Where did my emotion escape to? And yet I could probably feel if I wanted to. I could cry if I wanted to. Maybe it's because I'm so tired of crying over the same thing that I don't want to and therefore am choosing not to, or perhaps am even incapable because of this. Or perhaps I don't cry because I would never stop once I started. And yet I don't feel like that is the case. I can sometimes force myself not to cry, but I don't feel as though I am doing that, and most of the time I am unavoidably driven to tears by my inescapable emotions. But those emotions are not pushing me to tears. Indeed, my emotions seem no longer inescapable, and as if I have, in fact, escaped them. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't want to cry, and yet why should I not cry over this? Why should I not be sad over this? Has not my heart been broken? And yet there is nothing. Simply nothing.